The Buck Stops Here: Let’s Put and End to Sexual Shame

According to archeologists, it’s been about 5 000 years now – 5 millennia of patriarchy during we as women have subconsciously believed that our sexuality is shameful. We bit the apple, we listened to the snake, and somehow our desires got everybody thrown out of the Garden of Eden to earn their bread amongst thorns and thistles.

We live out the virgin-whore split in ourselves on a daily basis. And we reinforce this split in others. In addition, a shocking amount of women in this world have experienced sexual violation and have – almost without exception – been convinced by the perpetrators that they should be ashamed for what happened, that it was somehow their fault.

Not sure if you carry shame for being a sexual woman? Then answer these questions for yourself:

• Do you believe that being sexual results in a loss of innocence?
• Do you override the purity of your sexuality through constant sexual compromise?
• Do you sell yourself out sexually?
• Do you have negative feelings about your sexual body (your breasts or Yoni/vagina?)
• Do you believe that your body is not sexy enough?
• Are you ashamed of not having orgasms, or not having the right kind?
• Does your family find sexuality shameful or taboo to talk about?
• Are there sexual secrets in your family?
• Do you have secret sexual habits?

1. The first step is to admit, and to see, that we carry this shame.
2. The next step is to start asking yourself: What are the beliefs you carry that hook your sexuality into shame?
3. Finally, make a distinction: What are the ways in which you betray your sexuality? That will lead to some healthy shame. And then, what are the ways in which you simply shame your sexuality or your desire? This shame has to stop. Find in yourself the clarity that this has to happen.

In my upcoming course Awakening Your Feminine Sexual Essence I guide women through a systematic process to come to recognize the ways we have put together this body of shame, and how we can end this, now.

For more info:  http://www.shaktimalan.com/

Your Sexuality Rises Up From The Earth

She finally admits to me why she has come to see me: “I’ve never had an orgasm. My body just won’t cooperate. I feel like such a fake.” These are the words of literally hundreds of women who have spoken to me over the years. And they speak for thousands – if not millions, more. Every time I hear this from a woman, this conviction that there is something wrong with her sexuality: I feel a pang through my heart – if only she knew what her sexuality is really about. And then I set to work, as I do with you here now.

There is a basic misunderstanding we have in our world that our sexual energy is something personal and it expresses as a personal orgasm for those who are lucky enough to have the knack of it.

The truth is this: Sexual energy is not personal at all. It is the pure power of LIFE. It comes up through the earth and enters our bodies from a source way beyond the boundaries of our skin. When we open to sexual energy in this way, rather than insist that it is some personal event that we desperately have to strive for – then the orgasmic energy of all of life starts to ripple through us.

Close your eyes and follow me in this guided visualization:

With your eyes closed, imagine that you can look to the inside of you and down into the center of the earth.

Take your attention all the way down the dark layers of the earth right to the molten core of her.
Feel the aliveness of her, right there, in that pulsing core of fire.

Imagine that fire as pure sexual energy rising up – through the dark layers of the earth, through all the teeming life forms growing under the earth, life growing through the earth, in the earth, and coming up, through the soles of your feet, as pulsing, throbbing aliveness.

Let the fine currents of electricity coming from the core of the earth rise up through your feet, up your legs and right into your vagina/Yoni.

Let the heat of her enter as sensation right into your sexual core.

Relax, and simply feel it, like a radiant sun.

Then let that energy rise up from your yoni, through your body.

Let it set your body alight with power that does not belong to you as an individual and yet connects you to all that you are – as the bigger body of life.

Be gentle with yourself. Even if you only had the faintest glimmer of what I am suggesting here, take note. Write about it in your diary. Track that movement in your sexuality. Be more interested in this new discovery, this whispering voice, than in the louder, more familiar voices that bombard your experience from outside and from your past.

for more info: http://www.shaktimalan.com/

Beyond the Porn Star: What Radiantly Feminine Sexuality Is and How Our Culture Overrides It.

Women everywhere are realizing that there is more to their sexuality than they have been conditioned to believe by their culture. I have come to see this in working with thousands of women across the world – that we have some deep, inherent intuition that our sexuality is a profound gateway to living as the feminine in this world.

This whispering internal voice comes up against the blatant proclamations of the media. While teaching in England recently, I came across a popular magazine that had an article about how to have better sex. The author of the article recommended that sexual partners watch 10 minutes of pornography before intercourse. As substantiation for this suggestion, the author quoted research results that couples who watch pornography before intercourse are 58% more aroused.

Now let’s have a look at the assumptions underlying this piece of sexual teaching going out to the masses:

• Scientifically measured increase in sexual arousal is an indication of sexual success. In other words, human beings are similar to mice or rats in that an increase in their biological sexual functions (such as secretion of sexual juices) results in an increase in sexual success. If we can do it like rabbits, we are at the top of the sexual food chain.

• Sexual arousal results in good sex. The reality is that sexual arousal stemming from watching porn is coming entirely from your head. Associations in the subconscious mind come together to result in the release of neuropeptides such as dopamine, our body’s natural cocaine. This causes a rush of excitement that can make us feel a temporary heroism and bravado to “do it”. But very soon, that excitement drops, and we are left feeling empty.

• The ultimate model of the sexual feminine is the porn star. Imagine the scene. Woman sits with her partner watching porn to get ready for sex. She sees the extreme arousal happening in him as the porn star goes through her moves. Inside him, every move and visual code (e.g. the size of the breasts, the fact that she is wearing an apron or a nurse’s outfit or high heels and red lacy lingerie) is triggering neurological associations which result in biochemicals rushing to create an erection in the man. The woman looks at this and gets the message: If I want to turn him on, I’ll have to model myself as closely as possible on the porn star.

No wonder we live in a time where women have started to believe that being a woman sexually is all about performance: what you look like, whether you have an orgasm and whether you give your man one.

Women have bought into this idea that sex is about performance. We have been living our sexuality through an outdated masculine model that is all about drive, success, results and satisfaction.

But just under the surface, from the depths of our soul, we can hear the urgent whisper of a deeper truth. This truth shines through the awe-filled eyes of the men that truly love us. And the voice says:

Woman, you are the body of love.

Beauty shines from deep inside you.

You are pure radiance – and nothing you put on or change about your body will alter that.

Woman, you are an embodiment of the feminine.

SHE is calling you to discover your natural, juicy, divine sexual aliveness.

Nothing you have ever done – and nothing that has ever been done to you – can keep you from realizing the exquisite fragrance of your true sexuality.

Want to take the next step? I invite you join me for a FREE online virtual workshop:

For more info: http://www.shaktimalan.com/

Entering the Wisdom of Woman’s Sexual Cycles

With Keriesa Botha and Shakti Malan

2 – 7 November 2014

Temenos Retreat Center, Mc Gregor, South Africa

Perhaps the best-kept secret for opening to your sexual essence as woman is this: Our sexuality is cyclical. If you listen to your cycle and live according to its rhythms, your sexuality will open into its true blossoming.

This 5-day retreat offers a small group of women a profound and exclusive space to enter deeper into our sexuality and to tap the wisdom of our cyclical sexual nature under the guidance of two highly experienced facilitators.

As women we are cyclical beings – we wax and wane like the moon, we have high tides and low tides like the sea. The mystery of woman’s sexuality is that it is cyclical in nature and intimately influenced by the ebb and flow of our menstrual cycles.

During each cycle of the moon, our sexual body transforms through 4 different phases. Each of these four phases is a doorway into a deeper communing with our sexuality, with the essence of who we are, and with life.

In order to enter through these doorways, we are invited to listen to the wisdom of our sexual bodies and get in tune with the knowing that each phase brings. The pre-menstrual phase brings the opportunity to clarify our needs and roots us in our intuition. Menstruation is a time for opening, softening and listening, deep into the knowing of our bodies. The follicular and ovulation phases are times to engage in our creativity, feed our imagination and move into the fullest expression of ourselves in the world.

Embracing and engaging our feminine cyclical nature skillfully, empowers us to manage our energy and our daily lives with ease and nourishes our sexual expression with joy and consciousness.

Imagine listening to your sexual cycle as the inner guidance which keeps your life in balance and in harmony with the rhythms of life. Imagine learning the skills of nourishing and restoring yourself during each phase of your cycle. Imagine exploring breath practices that open the sexual body of woman. Imagine experiencing all of this through the rich medium of process art, free writing, dance, storytelling and embodied practices in the beautiful, nurturing setting of the garden of Temenos Retreat Centre. Imagine having two experienced and dedicated guides initiating you into the wisdom of each gateway in your sexual cycle as woman. This is what this retreat offers you.

During the retreat, we will:

Learn about the sexual cycles of women
Understand how to nourish each phase of your cycle
Be guided in subtle movement and breath practices that open the sexual body of woman
Explore our own experience through art, free writing, dance and story telling
Learn from each other’s life experiences through sharing in sisterhood circles
Be nourished by the exquisite garden of Temenos

Q&A about the event:

Will working with my cycle improve my relationship with my sexuality? Most definitely! By starting to live in harmony with your sexual cycles, you will begin to feel your sexual body from the inside out, open to her exquisite flowering, learn to listen to her, and discover the profound wisdom she has to offer you.

I hate menstruating. Why should I put myself through a retreat like this? We understand. Many women feel like you. By bringing consciousness and love to your cycle, you can transform your menstruation into a time of mystical opening and deep self-loving.

What if I am peri-menopausal? Attending the retreat will give you the perfect opportunity to come in harmony with the cycles of your sexual body as they begin to change. This will give you the foundation to enter into the wisdom cycle of menopause, which is its own unique sexual gateway for us as women.

The Presenters

Shakti Malan has a profound passion for the feminine, and she believes that the awakening of female sexual energy is a key to the spiritual awakening of the world in our day. She has been facilitating the discovery of female sexual energy to hundreds of women across the world over the last decade. Her book Sexual Awakening for Women and the courses she teaches based on the book create a space for women to discover the deep feminine and to open to their true magnificence in deep resonance with the masculine. Shakti holds a Ph.D. (UCT) in Social Anthropology.

Keriesa Botha has been one of Shakti’s mentors in the mysteries of the Feminine, and has many years of experience running workshops on the menstrual cycle and menopause. Keriesa has a post-graduate diploma in Psychophonetics Counselling and a Master’s Degree in Leadership and Change Management.

Temenos, the venue

With its cottages and sacred spaces nestled amongst the Gardens of the Beloved, Temenos is the ideal venue for this women’s retreat. See temenos.org.za.

Cost and booking:

R6 000 facilitation fee for bookings before 30 September. R6 800 facilitation fee for bookings after.
Accommodation is R310 pppn (R1550 in Total) sharing and R330 pppn (R1650 in Total) single.

Catering: 3 x simple vegetarian meals per day @ R250/day. Total R1250.

Full payment of accommodation & R1000 deposit is required to reserve your place – Temenos only has accommodation for 17 participants.

For bookings and inquiries contact Rhianne van der Linde – rhiannevdl@gmail.com

For more info: http://www.shaktimalan.com/event/entering-the-wisdom-of-womans-sexual-cycles/

Awakening Your Feminine Essence – 7 Week Online Course for Women

Discover how to release your old sexual patterning, come home to your body of bliss and live your full power as embodiment of the Feminine.

                                   
The seven course teaching sessions calendar is as follows:
October 28
November 4, 11, 18 & 25
December 2, 9

                              October 28 - December 9 | $297

It is time for the sexual essence of women to wake up on the planet. SHE is calling you. And you are feeling it.

Like so many women I have met across the world, you probably have a knowing that there is more to your sexuality as woman — so much more — than what you have accessed thus far.

You feel under your skin that there is so much bliss that wants to wake up in your body, so much love that wants to radiate from you.

You realize somewhere deep that sex is more than gratification of your need or someone else’s.

You know it is a powerful force of awakening. And you sense that there is something awesomely unique about feminine sexual essence.

However, the essence of female sexuality is not much understood in our world. We have forgotten how our sexuality expresses our spiritual essence as the Feminine.

As successful women in the world, we have become more focused on achieving — even in the bedroom — than on feeling. Many women are confused about what it even means to be a woman.

Underneath the confusion is a secret fear of the immense power you sense in your sexuality — and a frustration about how to access that power in a healthy way.

You may be feeling this conflict in you: on the one hand, sex can feel so awkward and exposing that we prefer not to bring too much awareness to it. And on the other hand, you yearn for the pulsating aliveness that perhaps you may have tasted in moments of exquisite lovemaking. You yearn to let your life be infused by that quality of bliss.

The good news is:

your confusion about your sexuality as a woman is not as personal to you as you think.

You have been raised with an outdated masculine model of sexuality that is focused on performance in bed.

Furthermore, our patriarchal heritage has left us with the virgin-whore split in our sexuality as women: you fear your potent passionate sexuality because you don’t want to be seen as a whore but you yearn to express the freedom that is your birthright as woman.

Or perhaps in rebellion, you wildly express your sexuality and find that you have somewhere lost touch with the sacred essence of who SHE really is in you — SHE, the sacred Feminine.

You compromise sexually and make do with what you know is not the real thing. You feel driven to have or give orgasms, and frankly, sex can be exhausting. You know that there is more to feel in our bodies, you know you are more – magnificently more than what you are currently accessing.

Our sexuality as women is asleep.

But SHE, the pure sexual Feminine, is waking up. She is ready to give birth, through you, to a new evolution of humanity.

You can be part of this awakening.

The way through our limited perception of feminine sexuality is to go within. The way of the Feminine is the way of feeling, from deep inside. From deep inside our bodies and our hearts, we start to feel again the sacred essence of the Feminine.

• Imagine being deeply in touch with your body with every breath…


• Imagine feeling an undulating aliveness through your body all through the day…


• Imagine resting into your own sexuality with deep contentment while being radiantly open to the world around you…


• Imagine being able to taste the nectar of life in your intimate relating…

These are states that this journey with me could open for you.

This work is a collective healing. And it is deeply personal as well. This experience will help you in letting go of that which no longer serves you sexually.

It initiates the opening of your true sexual flowering — your Beautiful Body of bliss.

Discovering this feminine sexual energy can set every moment of your day alight with bursting creative spark, inspiration and luscious enjoyment of life.

When a woman’s sexual energy flowers, she radiates an irresistible inner beauty which turns her into a profound muse and inspiration for her love partner.

Energetically, her sex center is the same as her creative center, and thus an opening in the flow of her sexuality can reveal a fountain of spontaneous creativity that can transform her world.

In the workplace, she radiates inner power coming from her heart’s knowing and her deep intuition. Reality begins to magically transform into higher possibility when we walk the walk of the Feminine instead of trying to be like men.

For more info: https://www.shaktimalan.com/awakening-your-feminine-essence/

What Feminine Sexual Essence Is – and How to Awaken It

In our culture’s stereotype of the sexually alive woman, she is dripping with desire and ready to have sex on tap. But this is not who the true feminine is. Her sexuality is a profound gateway. To enter her sexually, is to come through the veils into the inner temple of love. No one who enters there is left unchanged. She will not entertain any demand for sexual satisfaction or titillation – not by herself, and not by another. When she makes love, she makes LOVE.

How would it be to live in a world where women hold their sexuality sacred in this way?

What would change in this world if sex was an expression and cultivation of love and not lust?

What would be our experience of sex on the planet if women knew what feminine sexual essence is – and lived from it?


I invite you to ponder the implications of these key elements of feminine sexual essence:

She is an expression of love and not of lust She is receptive and not penetrating She is round, flowing and undulating – not straight, direct and driven She exists in pure sensation and beyond thought.


And how does She – this pure, radiant expression of the feminine awaken in our sexuality as women?

Through opening to feel all of life

Through surrendering control and entering an internal river of deep relaxation

Through allowing our sexuality to be an expression of our soul radiance and not just our personality

I would love to share with you in more depth what I have touched upon here. Please join me for a FREE online virtual workshop:

For more info: http://www.shaktimalan.com/

Sex and Stress: What’s the connection?

Sex as a way of coping with stress

In our modern, fast-pace lives, people’s adrenalin and cortisol levels constantly get pumped sky-high. We rush to meetings, get stuck in traffic, have unrelenting deadlines, and have to deal with family life and our own bodies at the same time. There is constant pressure to perform more and better.

For many men and women, the remedy is obvious: it’s called SEX. Pornography on the internet and in the media provides sexual excitation on tap. We can even gear or sex lives with actual people to provide maximum sexual excitement and minimum demands on us in other ways.

Pumping sex is like sniffing cocaine. Sexual excitation results in a large release of dopamine in the body. Dopamine is a neurochemical which, like cocaine, lifts our mood in the pursuit of excitement. The problem with dopamine is that it is only interested in the pursuit, and never in actual fulfillment. And so we have to stay on the treadmill to get the kick.

Stress and excitement oriented sex feed each other. The more stressed you become, the more you want the release that comes from sexual excitement and ejaculatory or clitoral orgasm. But the relief is only temporary, and then you are compulsively called back on to the treadmill of your stressful life.

The impact of stress on sex

Paradoxically, stress also has a decidedly negative effect on many people’s sex lives. In fact, stress tends to push sex to extremes. Either we become over-stimulated sexually, or we lose all desire. Over-stimulation can look like a compulsion to find the next shot of sexual excitement (with a person or through fantasy or pornography). It can also look like an over-activation of the sexual nerve endings in the body. This can result in troublesome conditions such as premature ejaculation, where the penis becomes so hypersensitive ejaculation occurs way before it is desired. Similarly in women, vaginismus can occur – the state where the vagina goes into a semi-permanent contraction in reaction to stimulation.

Stress can also cause us to lose sexual desire. We find ourselves simply too exhausted and sex is just another thing to attend to. Our bodies start to numb out due to overstimulation and tiredness.

What is stress, and how to deal with it

When we get stressed, the sympathetic nervous system – our fight, flight, fuck and flee response – gets activated. When we find ourselves constantly in stress, we start to run in sympathetic nervous system overdrive. Imagine your car getting stuck in fifth gear and propelling the car forward at high speed without control. It becomes impossible to slow down and relax, even when we want to.

We can of course use alcohol, ejaculation or drugs to slow us down. But clearly this chemical manipulation of the body is not going to bring any real rebalancing of the nervous system.

What the body is crying out for, is a balancing of the flow between the sympathetic and parasympathetic nervous systems. The latter is our release and relaxation mechanism. The parasympathetic nervous system gets activated through nourishing touch, loving human contact, slowing down, getting exercise, eating healthily and taking care of your soul.

If you find yourself in a cycle of stress, consider the following:

• There are times in our lives when we have more stress than others. However, if you are creating a lifestyle of stress, remember – you have only this life. How do you want to live it?
• Slow down. Drop your expectations of yourself and others.
• Go cold turkey on compulsive sex for excitement. Sorry for the bad news – but this kind of sex will only feed your stress cycle. It’s poison to your nervous system.
• Give energy to building deep, committed, loving sexual partnership. Sexual exchange in this container releases oxytocin, which is like milk for the parasympathetic nervous system.
• Get exercise and eat a healthy diet with good quality water and lots of organic greens.
• Finally, consider that stress is a response of an ego that desperately wants to hold on to its familiar identity – while the river of life is calling your soul to move on, evolve, and wake up to who you really are. 

For more info: http://www.shaktimalan.com/